It's been awhile since I've posted so I thought I'd write something that's been on my mind.

Who am I?

As a wife and mother, I have always put my husband and kids before myself. That's how it's supposed to be...at least to me. But through it all I forgot one important thing: NEVER LOSE YOURSELF!! Here I am 45 years old and I'm not sure who I am. I know that:
I'm a wife to Wade.
I'm a mama to Lucas, Linsy and Lezly.
I'm a mamaw to Brexton, Braylee and Brynson.
I'm a daughter to Bob and Lenora.
I'm a sister to Cindy.
I'm a granddaughter to Leslie, Delora, France and Maggie.
I'm a daughter-in-law to Gary and Wilma.
I'm a sister-in-law to Judy, Will, James and Bush.
I'm an aunt to Shandy, Teather, Chance, Matthew, Vaden and Hannah.
I'm a niece and cousin to many.
I'm a friend to some.
But....WHO AM I? Who is this person who uses my name, wears my clothes, speaks my words, has my dreams? WHO AM I?

From the time I became a wife and mother, it seems all I've known are medicines, treatments, seizures, financial stresses, death. It's no one's fault really....it's just what LIFE has dealt me. And I've handled it well, I think. Of course, I couldn't do any of it without God. But somewhere along the way, I lost ME. I'm not the same person I was 27 years ago...who is? I only know that I cannot define myself without defining sickness and death. And that's not fair...and it's not right!!

I think it's time I look for ME. I need to go back to the basics. Before the sickness, the deaths, the Depression, the sadness. I know we all deal with these things at some time in all our lives. But I have ALLOWED these things to define WHO I AM! When someone says "tell a little about yourself", do you know what I say? I say "my name is Darlina, my son died 2 years ago from Cystic Fibrosis and my youngest daughter is fighting the battle with CF as well. We're broke from medical expenses and I'm dealing with Depression." This is who I've become. I've lost ME, MY dreams, MY hopes, MY needs.

I've got to find ME. I've got to step out in Faith knowing that God won't lead me astray and that all things will be taken care of. I've got to actively search and work and think and do for ME. It's time. I've let it go for too long...hopefully it's not too late. I've got to FIGHT for ME. Does that sound selfish?

Right now all I know is that it's hard to be there for others when I can't be there for myself. =(

So WHO AM I? I don't know...except I AM a child of the Almighty's and that makes ME worth it!!!