My heart is breaking....

My daughter Lezly has been keeping up with little Conner and his family. I just read Sarah's last 2 blogs and it breaks my heart!! The memories and emotions of losing our son last year to this horrible disease have come flooding back. They have hit me hard...especially since I am sitting in a hospital room just a few doors down from where my son took his last breath here on Earth. I pray that this family will continue to lean on God to help them through this awful time. It makes me so mad that we fight for our child's life...we fight for every breath they take, we fight for the right treatments and the right doctors, we fight to make sure every hospital stay is not too scary and borders on fun. We fight right along side our child who is struggling...actually we fight harder because it is our child!! We only want the best for them...what parent wouldn't want that? We do our best to encourage, to show faith and hope, and to show them to always lean on the Lord. We pray and we plead, we cry and we laugh, we fear and we cherish....every moment! For we never know when that moment will be IT. And then...it seems it's all for nothing. What do we have to show for it? I am blessed to have had my son for as long as we did. I am blessed to still have my daughter, Lezly...but, I am struggling today with all of this. I'm struggling to keep up the brave face and not feel the hopelessness. I'm struggling...but God is faithful. He is with me and will never leave me. He is my strength.

2 more days....

Well, it's been a week and altho x-rays and spyro tests are usually done after a week...Dr N has decided to grant Lezly's wish of doing tests on Friday with the possibility of going home. So we have 2 more nights and then hopefully we can leave here and be a family again in our own home. You would think we would be able to get lots of rest and not have any stresses being at the hospital...but it doesn't work that way. And no one understands that until you've been there! 2 weeks in a hospital is NOT a vacation!! Anyway, we're hoping that Friday will be our "freedom" day! We'll see, I guess....nothing is ever guaranteed with Cystic Fibrosis and hospital stays!!

Another day at the ZOO (hospital)

It's not even been a week in here and we're already antsy to go home! To sleep in our own beds, eat in our own kitchen, wear pj's all day if we want to. You would think sitting in a hospital room would be an easy thing...it's really not. To listen to your child suffering with coughs and pains is a hard thing! You wish you could take it all away and you say "I'm sorry" over and over, even though it's not your fault. You would do anything for your child and yet you feel so hopeless...or at least I do. The only thing you know to do is smile, try your best to make this hospital stay fun, and PRAY!! So that is what I do...as much as I can...as often as I can!

Hospital stay, meds & PICCs

Well, just what we thought....we're in the hospital for at least 2 weeks! This is our first full day here and it's been hectic, to say the least. They gave Lezly some medicine to calm her nerves for her PICC line but they still haven't come up to get her. That was 3 hrs ago...I hope the medicine doesn't wear off before she goes down. I know she's scared and she has every right to be...she had such a terrible ordeal with the PICC last hospital stay! God, please calm her nerves and allow them to do this procedure right the first time!! She is in Your hands, Father! And please help her mama too....she needs it!

Another day of laundry...

Well today has been a day of trying to get things ready for another hospital stay. I've gotten all the laundry done except for a load of sheets that I might put off doing until tomorrow. Bags are packed except for a few toiletries that need to go in. Lezly called and talked with the dr and they've made an appt for her on Wednesday. We'll see how it all turns out but I'm pretty sure a hospital stay is inevitable. 2 weeks at the Sparks Hilton...at least I won't have to cook, do dishes or do laundry! LOL

Raining always

They say when it rains, it pours.....it is so much more than that in my life. I prepare for flash floods. Too much hits at once and I'm left reeling and confused at what emotion I should feel. Stress? Overwhelmed? Bitter? Yes, I think maybe all the above. But tomorrow is another day full of it's own problems and new trials. For tonight I will trust that God loves me and trusts me with these new struggles. I will not turn my back on Jesus...I will keep on keeping on and lean on the Lord for my strength and comfort. For without Him I am nothing! But for the record...I hate CF and what it's done to my children and to our family!!

I'm a newbie

This is something new for me. My daughter, Lezly, talked me into doing this so we'll see how it goes. This is just a lazy Sunday afternoon where I'm taking it easy and staying in the cool air. =)